Ironic Homophonic Tonic

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Inspired by Jan Allison's brilliant "Eye Rowed My Hoarse", 
top winner of the July 2021 Word Play contest.

I'm knew to this language; it baffles me sew!
   With so many mysteries I wish too no -
I came to this country wile seeking warm climb
   but I get awl flustered when righting a rime.

Sea, homophones throe me, they drive me inn seine
   each weak I fined gnu ones, their such a big pane.
That last couplet had maybe seven ore ate
   (I red it allowed butt I cant keep them strait!)

Eyed herd that this language can be vary crewel,
   two words sound alike but there meanings are duel.
They say it’s the most daunting language yule find -
   two solve this wood take a reel lode off my mined.

If a rose is arose, then wheel call spayed a spade, 
   let a male be a mail, and a maid be a made.
A horse is a hoarse, but of course, but of coarse,
   though the rules of rite spelling are hard to in force.

I've pulled sow much hare out, aye think isle go bawled -
   I'm certain I've misspelled sum words eye just scrawled.
Its enough to make even the mightiest feint
   but aisle martial my forces and rays no complaint.

If this struck a cord - if you feel up a creak
   know you're knot a loan, yore dismay's not unique.
Perhaps it is fête that has shone us assign,
   let's bye some pail ail aura glass of wight whine.

And pleas don't dessert me, I so knead ewe they're,
   I still wont to learn how two wright with moor flare.
Buy now you've disk hovered I rote this ingest,
   if ewe care to try won yourself, bee my guessed!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022



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Date: 3/3/2022 5:38:00 PM
Wow, this is so hilarious, clever and entertaining, John!! Love all the creative homophones and the way you used them with ease and expertise! Made me laugh!! :D
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John Watt
Date: 3/3/2022 6:19:00 PM
Aw, thank you for thinking so, Laura! It gave Janet a headache trying to read this and make any sense of it. I appreciate your support, dear friend.
Date: 2/20/2022 11:51:00 AM
It is said that English is the most difficult language to learn and yet by grade two we have learnt words to write and read, quite a few, do not stress my friend, join in the queue, to untangle the English language, remember that 'U' follows 'Q'! Hugs and blessings John, Jennifer.
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John Watt
Date: 2/20/2022 6:50:00 PM
LOL to your wonderful words, dear Jenn. I will practice your queue maxim until I have it perfectly memorized. Have a great week! Blessings and hugs ~ John
Date: 2/20/2022 5:32:00 AM
A brilliant example of how difficult it is to those trying to navigate our mixed up English language John. I loved this! Blessings xxoo
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John Watt
Date: 2/20/2022 6:47:00 PM
So true, Connie! To be fair though, the complexity of our language makes it so perfect for humor and poetic nuance. Thank you for your sweet visit, my friend
Date: 2/18/2022 9:00:00 AM
This reminds me of the time in college I attempted to read the original Canterbury Tales (in middle English) - it's kwait a sturie :)
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John Watt
Date: 2/19/2022 10:02:00 PM
I can totally see that! I dated an English major in college who just loved Chaucer... reading him gave me a brain bruise!
Date: 2/16/2022 6:42:00 PM
WoW! John, This is so good. I enjoyed the word play. You did a fantastic job my friend-Alexis
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John Watt
Date: 2/17/2022 9:45:00 PM
Aww, aren't you kind! Thank you, dear Alexis
Date: 2/15/2022 2:04:00 PM
Wow, excellent penning here; original and well thought out.
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John Watt
Date: 2/15/2022 2:11:00 PM
ML, thanks for the kind words, much appreciated. Enjoy your day ~ John
Date: 2/15/2022 3:47:00 AM
First I saw aww because I saw the pic of a German Shepherd. I had one growing up. Your poem is priceless and I had to slow down to read it. Of course ; I loved the lines: A horse is a hoarse, but of course, but of coarse, though the rules of rite spelling are hard to in force. Love it all. I will have to read Jan’s too.
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John Watt
Date: 2/15/2022 2:10:00 PM
When I see a pup with baby Yoda ears and big ol' feet I say to myself "that's gonna be a big dawg someday." Thanks for your kind comment, my wife had to read it really slowly too, and I'm not so sure she's a big fan of this one, lol. If you liked this one, don't miss Jan's gem.
Date: 2/14/2022 5:50:00 PM
I wrote 5 lines like this: TOOL TAIL. Eye lyked yores betta, moor Akerdemick. U R sew brite, Jon. Eye luv yore riming.Luv Olde Dukk.
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John Watt
Date: 2/14/2022 10:04:00 PM
Olde Dukk, eye lyke yore sens of Yuma. Thanks for joining in the fun Shirley!
Date: 2/13/2022 8:55:00 PM
Too bad you were not around for that contest. i remember doing a great job on it and I did not even get placed. yes, the English spelling is SO strange. it's a real pity for my students of ESL. Awesome word playing, John
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John Watt
Date: 2/13/2022 10:28:00 PM
Oh, I did enter the word play contest. But I was so smitten by Jan's entry I wanted to try one myself. I can only imagine how hard it is to learn English as an adult. Thanks for stopping by, my friend.
Date: 2/13/2022 7:03:00 PM
Hi, John, I enjoyed your poem, loved the play with words and the rhyming was outstanding. Thanks for the smile. Blessings ~ Debra
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John Watt
Date: 2/13/2022 10:27:00 PM
Thank you Debra! Blessings to you as swell ~ John
Date: 2/13/2022 1:34:00 PM
john - you have totally outdone yourself with this one! absolutely brilliantly executed and just hilarious! their is know weigh eye wood ever attempt this!
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John Watt
Date: 2/13/2022 10:26:00 PM
lol, thank kew fore joining inn the fun!
Date: 2/13/2022 5:46:00 AM
JOHN....SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!!!
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John Watt
Date: 2/13/2022 8:37:00 AM
Wow, awl caps... I'd better pay a tension, lol
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