In Praise of Reindeer Poop
All I want for Christmas is a chainsaw
and Stanley Black and Decker is the brand for me.
As my yard is skewed with many leaves and pine cones
all stealthy fallen from my neighbor's tree.
Now Santa... I've gone and asked my neighbor
to see my point and do what's right.
But the Man will not bow to rhyme or reason
so I will be cutting down his tree on Christmas night.
Now I'm not one to gossip about my neighbor
or disparage him to a fine person like yourself.
But last Christmas he was eyeing up your reindeer
and doing God knows what with several elves.
Now I know you are under pressure
and may not have time to deal with this louse.
So when your reindeer hear the call of nature,
please make sure it happens on my neighbor's house.
Now I know we are supposed to love our neighbor
and when confronted... turn the other cheek.
But I've seen the Man pushing snow on to my driveway
so help me savor the retribution which I seek.
I know a Christmas letter filled with vengeance
is not the typical thing you want to hear.
But rest assured my neighbor's doom and ruination
will fill my troubled heart with Xmas cheer.
On further thought and contemplation,
I'd rather have a Lazy-boy to ease my strife.
But in keeping with my current situation,
please bring and give the chainsaw to my wife.
The End
*For those who are interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's Your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every couple of days.
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