Im Sorry, I Hope

To the girl I hope to be in 234 days: I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how badly I needed to be you. I’m sorry our future was the furthest thing from my mind and that I spent so much time worried about everything but you. I know I should’ve held onto those perfect moments where I almost became you and I’m sorry I didn’t. I’m sorry I spent your high school years anxious and depressed when there are so many beautiful things about this life. I hope you know how much I wish I had danced when you wanted me to and maybe how much I wish I loved life the way you do. Sometimes I think you scared me. Becoming you meant being happy and being happy meant losing the biggest part of me. My negativity kept me from loving you the way I always should have. And I’m sorry I didn’t learn to love you until it was almost too late. I hope someday you wave back at me with a smile and never find yourself sitting beside me because you truly love the life you’ve been given. I hope by now you realize that it’s ok to let people go but that you can always count on those who love you to be there when you call. I hope you’re never afraid to have a bad day but you don’t let it ruin the rest of your week the way I do. I’m sorry I spent so much time sad and hating everything about myself instead of embracing every incredible aspect of my personality. I wish I had learned to accept my imperfections as beautiful instead of trying to hide them away which is why I hope you look in the mirror every morning and know that you are perfect. I hope you’ve finally found your voice and that you aren’t afraid to use it. I hope you know just how important it is for you to speak up especially when you think you shouldn’t. I hope you understand that being in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t have fights; just that you love each other enough to work through them and keep going. I hope you know that you deserve to be heard in your relationship just as much as he does. I’m sorry I spent so much time thinking that losing people meant you weren’t good enough. Because you are beyond good enough in every possible way. And I’m sorry it took me so long to understand that. I’m sorry I was afraid of you. I’m sorry I didn’t embrace you sooner. But I’m trying to now. And I know I don’t say it nearly enough but I really do love you. Love, me