I'M Sorry-A Poem For My Kids-Jani, Billy, Josh, and Kristin

I'm sorry to all of my children How I wish I could go back to change The wrong things I've put you all through And to make time rearrange Those times to good moments for all of you I'm sorry for what my life, fears and screw ups have put all four of you through I simply rolled with what those fears handed me Yes I so should've done more And not just let it be I was so scared and didn't really know what to do When you're standing inside a house with the rook on fire Well you, in that moment, are to blind to see What's happening all around Now I see it all to clearly and the fire is burning everything down to the ground I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should've been There's no excuse for it Those wounds you now bear may not ever mend And I live with that everyday But that doesn't mean the love that I feel For each one of you isn't real It most certainly is I'm not asking any of you to forgive me or accept my apology But know that this all comes from my heart Pain and rage will tear ones soul apart And none of these words will make the past different, go away or any better We do still have a chance, however, to overcome it and get through the stormy weather together Being better people in the end So while this don't make my mistakes you bear go away I still need to say You can hate me more and more everyday If that's what is helping you to get by and cope But no matter how much hate you have for me, I still love all four of you unconditionally Perhaps one day you can each find it in your hearts to forgive me Not for me, but for yourselves cause it's truly the only way you'll ever fully be able to move on........Love Mom