Ignored Self

I sat at the laptop today, over at the table I'm usually quite competent and able I could type and I could click But head swirled and stomach felt sick I know I have been recently stressy and strange But this really is a worrying change What if I'm never good or right again What will I do with myself then The people who sought me out for my skill Will they seek me out still All the people I usually support Will I now be selling them short And having to cope for a full working day Will I even last til midday I can't explain what's going on myself I just know I stopped and it was due to my health And getting restarted fills me with fear What if the old me no longer resides here I can't reflect back I can't project forward I know not who I am Nor who I was This mirrors the nightmares from which I am haunted Where I scream out I don't remember anything The terrors that plagued me night after night Might have captured me now out in the light Have I lost everything I can't recall What is my worth That I never knew I stand alone flailing my arms Hoping to be saved I remember that vision of me She has existed throughout I just hid her from view And it has worn me down Now she has broken free Her questions need answers So I'll leave this table Not rush to be labelled Just sit elsewhere for now I'll get sorted somehow