Alex Duffy Poet Free verse

If She's An Angel

If she's an angel then I'd rather have a devil
I've paid for my mistakes I feel like my debts are settled
I've survived my suicide attempts, I feel me and depression are level
If she's an angel then I'd rather have a devil

When we first met you said you wouldn't let anyone cause me harm
You kept me to yourself and we stayed together in my room
All of a sudden I was getting scars and bruises on my arm
You made me tired so I slept in till noon

You had control of me and the way I  acted  
You laughed when I was almost sectioned for your madness
You never wiped my tears away or cared about my sadness
I attacked you with the blade, but when the scar appeared it was me who Had it

My arm was bleeding, I had to cover it up
I decided that I'd suffered enough 
I couldn't attack you because you are invisible
I decided I wanted to die because I couldn't live with you

17 years old, taking an overdose of pills
Feeling things I wasn't supposed to feel
I needed to escape your grasp, but the hospital let me come back home to you
You said "Alex I just want to be alone with you"

You left blades laying around knowing I'd use them
When I made myself bleed you would always find it amusing
I was trying to make you suffer but it was me who felt it
When you get kidnapped by depression you become helpless

I'm 5 years free from self-harm, but you still visit me often
Got told by the age of 21 I'd be in a coffin
Right now I just take each day at a time
You kept me away from the world, just so you, Anxiety and bipolar could share my mind

If she's an angel then I'd rather have a devil
I've paid for my mistakes I feel like my debts are settled
I've survived my suicide attempts, I feel me and depression are level
If she's an angel then I'd rather have a devil

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