If I Had a Club

If I had a club I would beat myself over the head I would fall into a heap, and be quickly and goodly dead. If I had a gun, I would try to find bullets and a book. To find out how to load it; to see if this is all it took. If I had a pie I would smash it hard into my face. I would crack my cheeks up, and become a big disgrace. If I had a fish hook I would tear up my soft baby skin. I would hurt myself quite nicely, stick myself with a sharp pin. But alas, I have none of those things, and I guess you’re glad. For you know it would hurt my mother, my uncle and my dad. They are all in heaven rolling their eyes at this stupidity. I am glad I don’t have these things; it saves little ole silly me.