I Would Like To Kill Him

Her husband has been gone eight years. The conversation about him rarely changes. “If I could dig him up and kick his ass I would.” She is slightly angry because he left her with a hundred thousand dollar debt she did not know about. She called the bank and they said “The money has been spent and you signed the loan papers.” She says she thought it was for ten thousand dollars. I am amazed that she did not read it a bit closer. “I’d like to kill him,” she says “He probably told me it was for ten thousand but it was for a hundred thousand.” I have heard this conversation hundreds of times. “How would you do it?” I ask her. “I haven’t really thought about it,” she replies. “I guess I would poison him, push him down the stairs, and smash his skull in about eight hundred times with a croquet mallet.”