I wish I had

Line of inquiry: The ego within forced me to resist But now I wish I had effused a love mist With aplomb and flair, just kind of left it there For self-aware souls passing by, who choose to pair Ego resembles a premature childhood. When love is unbalanced, interactions with infliction and cultural consciousness, force a soul to suppress rather than express, so we become glass sculptures, but no one can see our shards. My dad taught me to roam like a lion, hurting, but pretending, yet, I was no predator like my predecessor, just misconceived, due to self protection, so I continued to deceive, behind a veil of silence, sacrificing my own happiness, content in sadness - but barely surviving and today, I'm still bleeding, haunted by ghosts who's paths, I left behind. I know what I say, is not always how I feel, not what I mean and I'm happy - falling. Because I am strong, so my ego tells me, I'm a mountain, I can never crumble, but still I write poems about vulnerability, so who am I really? Does anyone see me? I wish my tongue would portray like poetry, so I could show love, instead of feeling unloved, glow in affection or is it too late? When so much has already been lost, to bitter winds beating against robust roots unmoved due to stubbornness, your mind feels like an anchor, preventing your ship from sailing. In death I found humility, released sedated tears, cleansing internal wounds. From all the broken souls, it was mine which lacked self belief, so I remain disconnected, but need healing, hoping one day you will find me and unlock the door to devotion. Fate is like stars in a lovers destiny, sadly we are only found in darkness.