Home » Poems » Brittany Larson » I Thought You Loved Me

I Thought You Loved Me

When you told me you didn't love me
I didn't know what to do 
I didn't know how to react
Because I remember what it felt like
When I thought you wanted me
I remember when you took me
To what I thought was our first date
I remember smiles and laughs and midnight texts
A bright little light hidden under blankets 
As I lay awake in bed waiting for your reply
It made me feel like a child again
Staying up late and doing something I shouldn't be
Doing something that I know would only end in trouble
I remember the first time you held my hand
I remember when I thought this
This is what love really is
I remember the exact moment I fell for you
When I thought you caught me
But in reality you were just letting me fall
Deeper and deeper and deeper
With no intentions of saving me
With no intentions of telling me no
Because you were attracted to me
You told me this
You showed me this
I remember the first time we 
I want to say made love but that wasn't really it
So I remember the first time we had sex
It was something beautiful
Again I thought this, this is what love feels like.
I remember meeting your family
Your mother and father smiling and telling silly stories
Your brothers asking questions 
As you cooked a meal for us all
That was my favorite memory
You started to take me on more
"Dates" 
I remember red robin, Polaris, late night movies and cedar point
I remember when these started disappearing 
When you stopped trying to cover up lust with love
I remember tangled bed sheets
And messy hair
I remember sleepy eyes 
And a soft voice saying "you're beautiful"
I remember me believing you
Thinking that you meant it
I gave you my heart
Because I realized you actually did find me beautiful
But that was all you found
My beauty blinding your judgement
Thinking my love was lust 
You thinking I wanted this too 
Because there doesn't need to be any 
Love in attraction
You can give away your body
Without the person wanting anything else
I don't blame you anymore
It was an easy mistake to make
I mean girls give sex to get love after all
And men give love to get sex
I remember the day you told me you didn't love me
I remember the day you told me I was beautiful
I remember the day I lost my ability to love anymore
Because I gave away my heart to a man who had no intentions of giving it back

 6/14/2015

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