i miss when i didnt have to worry,

i miss when i didn’t have to worry. when getting dressed was about color and comfort, not fear. not calculating how much skin was too much. not wondering if someone would call me a **** just for wearing shorts in the summer. i miss when i didn’t know what it meant to be perceived. when i could wear my hair up without thinking about my forehead, my jawline, my side profile— without imagining how someone else might see me and decide i was wrong. i miss when my body was just mine. not a thing to compare or apologize for. not something to fix. i didn’t care if my stomach showed, if my thighs were bigger than other girls’. they were just thighs. just skin. just me. but now— if i dress up, i’m doing it for attention. if i wear a low neckline, i’m “asking for it.” i’m “easy.” but if i cover up, i’m lazy. boring. not trying hard enough to be “feminine.” like somehow, i owe the world beauty. you can’t win. you’re either too much, or not enough. too loud, or too quiet. too confident, or insecure. no matter how you exist, you’re wrong in someone’s eyes. growing up as a girl means learning to shrink. to cross your arms when you walk. to smile when you're uncomfortable. to be polite when someone makes you feel unsafe. to laugh it off when they call you a for saying no. you learn to carry shame in places you didn’t know existed. you learn to look in the mirror and only see what needs to change. i miss when i didn’t have to worry. when i didn’t know that every choice i make with my body would be judged. when i didn’t get told i looked “tired” without makeup, but “fake” with too much. when no one told me to be smaller, softer, prettier, quieter. i miss when i felt whole without anyone’s permission. before strangers stared. before teachers made comments. before family said, “you’re really filling out,” like it was something to be ashamed of. i miss when i could just exist. when i wasn’t fighting so hard to feel safe, to feel enough. and maybe one day, i’ll unlearn what the world taught me. maybe i’ll wear what i want without guilt. maybe i’ll take up space without apologizing first. but for now, i just miss her. the girl who didn’t know how heavy it would all become. the girl who didn’t have to worry.