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Personal Note:
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Poem
i miss when i didn’t have to worry.
when getting dressed was about color and comfort,
not fear.
not calculating how much skin was too much.
not wondering if someone would call me a slut
just for wearing shorts in the summer.

i miss when i didn’t know
what it meant to be perceived.
when i could wear my hair up
without thinking about my forehead,
my jawline,
my side profile—
without imagining how someone else
might see me
and decide i was wrong.

i miss when my body was just mine.
not a thing to compare or apologize for.
not something to fix.
i didn’t care if my stomach showed,
if my thighs were bigger than other girls’.
they were just thighs.
just skin.
just me.

but now—
if i dress up, i’m doing it for attention.
if i wear a low neckline,
i’m “asking for it.”
i’m “easy.”
but if i cover up,
i’m lazy.
boring.
not trying hard enough to be “feminine.”
like somehow, i owe the world beauty.

you can’t win.
you’re either too much,
or not enough.
too loud, or too quiet.
too confident, or insecure.
no matter how you exist,
you’re wrong in someone’s eyes.

growing up as a girl
means learning to shrink.
to cross your arms when you walk.
to smile when you're uncomfortable.
to be polite when someone makes you feel unsafe.
to laugh it off when they call you a 
for saying no.

you learn to carry shame
in places you didn’t know existed.
you learn to look in the mirror
and only see what needs to change.

i miss when i didn’t have to worry.
when i didn’t know
that every choice i make with my body
would be judged.
when i didn’t get told
i looked “tired” without makeup,
but “fake” with too much.
when no one told me
to be smaller,
softer,
prettier,
quieter.

i miss when i felt whole
without anyone’s permission.
before strangers stared.
before teachers made comments.
before family said,
“you’re really filling out,”
like it was something to be ashamed of.

i miss when i could just exist.
when i wasn’t fighting so hard
to feel safe,
to feel enough.

and maybe one day,
i’ll unlearn what the world taught me.
maybe i’ll wear what i want
without guilt.
maybe i’ll take up space
without apologizing first.

but for now,
i just miss her.
the girl who didn’t know
how heavy it would all become.
the girl who didn’t have to worry.
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