I Have Fallen To Pieces Now

When you walked out I snickered. Thinking you’d be back by lunch time. I fixed your favorite lunch – meatloaf and mashed potatoes. By one o’clock I had learned my lesson. I decided to change. So you could love me more when you returned. I called, but your phone went to voice mail. So I called again. Same thing. I saved lunch for supper, knowing you would be home by six. This was on a Saturday. I threw the meatloaf out on Monday. Without tasting it. It would not have been fun, without you there. I had already eaten the potatoes. I figured we would laugh about it when you got home. On Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday. By Friday I knew you were dead. I called your mother. She was abrupt with me. So was your sister. I sensed that they knew you were not dead. They were still in your inner circle. I was not. This was a year ago. I have had eleven months and eleven days to think about changes I could make about being a better woman about making you want to stay Eleven months and eleven days of waiting Am I falling into a pit of despair? Are you kidding? I am already there, not clawing my way out Not caring any more Because you are gone and I disappeared a while back