I Don't Fear Death

Death looms closer with each passing breath; feeling its approach, I can't help but wonder when. I don't fear death; it is a consequence of life! But when will it arrive, and who will it take first? When love bonds two souls, death is but an afterthought, I feel selfish for wishing to die first, but my dread of being alone outweighs any apprehensions of death. The rub is, l don't wish my soulmate to suffer my loss, either. The endless joy love gives is a measure of the pain its departure brings! The worry of losing my soulmate is more significant to me than my inevitable death and may well be what kills me! Tears often swell within my eyes, threatening to spill, whenever such sad emotions flood my heart, and it hurts. I try not to dwell on what might happen, but it's no use, for the last few years, it's been weighing heavy on my mind. Old age or sickness is not a primary concern, I feel ok, approaching life's end. All I can do is wait for the day, for the hour, for the moment, when one of us will be no more than a memory. Time is an illusionist! It moves swiftly and yet appears seemingly slow. When I think about the love we share for each other the pain of our parting overwhelms my heart; and my anxiety magnifies my fear, until it's blown out of all proportion. It's not dying; it's living, I fear. And I cry inside, preparing for the day death may choose my lover first, and I get to stay.