Arthur Vaso Poet Free verse

Notes About The Poem

I revised the poem, and would love opinions, my first intention was humor that someone who doesn't like ones poetry would be relegated to hell have to listening to it for eternity. However most of the comments focused on the religious lines, so I changed the poem and would like to know which people prefer. and if I achieved the goal of more humor less seriousness.

 

I Am a Very Bad Poet

So I have been told
by a drunk
does he own a pair of shoes?
has he ever walked in another's?
mean and grouchy
unkind to falling leaves
what dreams were stolen
was he the thief or victim robbed?
or does whiskey make him dumb?
and numb
narrow is the hateful mind
who sold his dignity
a silver coin for naught
Scrooge counting compliments like gold ingots
stealing orphans smiles, scotch with spite
the elevator though goes only down
fury and fires and poetic justices
he will burn in hell
listening  forever to the angels voices
reciting for eternity
my
very bad poetry

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Funom Makama December 18, 2018 at 10:45 AM hahahahahaha....This has excited me to my soul... My spirit dances like a redeemed bastard with your lines... Keep on writing dear friend.

Eve Roper December 14, 2018 at 11:15 PM :) I corrected my Bean hehehe.... One day I will be a good scientist ...

Joseph May December 14, 2018 at 9:36 PM Very nicely penned.. Of the two, I like this one is better Arthur..

Arturo Michael December 14, 2018 at 1:15 PM So let the torment begin....Will have to compare to answer you...but it's leaning on a witty humor side...

Besma Riabi Dziri December 14, 2018 at 12:59 PM Indeed Arthur, the language of words and their layers lead the work of art away from poets original intentions! Hence the possibility of many a reading.. I see beauty in your poetry.. My deepest regards.

Mystic Rose Rose December 14, 2018 at 4:49 AM I don't do religion either but I do believe in angels. And yes listening to bad poetry sounds pretty bad, Enjoyed your poem, Arthur

Jan Allison December 14, 2018 at 3:29 AM lol I much prefer this one Art you know I don't do religion but I'm off to church to help serve lunches today and we were at a church recording a carol concert yesterday lol - I think it would be perfect poetic justice to subject someone to my poop for eternity and at least I'd be somewhere warm too lol:-) hugs Jan xx Mystic Rose Rose December 14, 2018 at 4:48 AM Jan you kill me lol

Pashang Salehi December 14, 2018 at 12:59 AM Indeed, you're a bad poet, so as Micheal Jackson... He was so bad... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUXAEzaC3Q

Darren White December 14, 2018 at 12:19 AM I love his right hand in a cast :) I don't know which one I like best to be honest, I like both poems

Eve Roper December 13, 2018 at 11:16 PM My hubby always told me it would take me a week to get the joke.... So... I see the drunk has his own opinion not looking at his drunken stupor. ( or false) Like or golden boy holding his imaginary throne wanting everyone to bow and kiss his dirty feet.

Sand Blown December 13, 2018 at 10:42 PM nice write...so, with respect the street person...hmmphcof...did you try reading him poetry?........................ : ) lol