Jan Allison Poet Narrative

Notes About The Poem

How To Scam a Scammer

My phone rings…. I answer it but say nothing as I don’t recognise the displayed number and I can only hear ‘white noise’ at the other end. Okay I admit I’m going deaf and will be getting my hearing aid soon but that’s another story. 

I check out the number on Google and see it’s scammers who ring up people claiming to be from Microsoft and unless you pay up heaps of money they will hack your computer. It was the second time they had called in two days so I’ve written a little script based on an old joke for when they eventually try again

Caller: Hello I’m calling from Microsoft

(before they can get on with the rest of their script)

Me: Oh are you the engineer, I’m glad you rang so quickly after I logged a fault call. Please can you help me, I have a terrible issue with my computer, well it’s not my laptop it belongs to my son ....

Me: You know the handy little coffee cup holder on the side, well it’s broken…

Caller: (getting cross as he can’t use his script) What the heck are you talking about…

Me: The coffee cup holder – you must know the one … you press a little button on the side of the laptop and it shoots out …it’s so handy for my coffee mug but it’s got jammed and it’s only half way out and I can’t use it.

Caller: Coffee cup holder  - are you mad?

Me: No… I'm not mad but I have short term memory issues … but my son will be absolutely bloody fuming if I don’t get the coffee cup holder sorted. Can you tell me how to fix it?

Caller: Just hangs up in frustration!

I just need them to ring me now and I will be ready!

Short Story Contest N/A in contest judged on 9/27/16
Submitted to Take The Dagger From My Heart, Please Sponsored by Broken Wings

09~27~16

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Artsieladie Sharon Donnelly April 3, 2018 at 6:05 PM Love this, Jan! Did you get the chance to use your script? Once, when I mistakenly answered, I pretended I didn't even know what a computer is, repeatedly, using a disguised voice. The frustrated, thick accented scammer hung up. ..And I laughed so hard. Thanks for sharing! :) ~ Artsie Artsieladie Sharon Donnelly April 3, 2018 at 7:32 PM You will one day, Jan! Good, good! Make them pay with their dime and just waste away their time. lol Yes, they've called me back on occasion and I laugh and think how foolish of them to be wanting more. :) hugs ~ Artsie Jan Allison April 3, 2018 at 6:08 PM I've not had the courage to use it yet lol but hubby is great at keeping them hanging on and pretending he is following their instructions and then saying 'i don't want to do this any more' then they ring back and i tell em where to get off lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Constance La France October 16, 2016 at 1:24 PM Haha, Jan this is so funny, the way my computer is behaving lately that's all it is good for, holding my coffee cup, congratulations on your win in my contest

Sara Kendrick October 15, 2016 at 1:48 PM Got a chuckle..That DVD holder would make a great cup holder..Congrats on your winning work..Sara Jan Allison October 15, 2016 at 3:06 PM Thanks Sara:-) I hope they call back and I can use my 'script':-) hugs Jan xx

Nette Onclaud October 15, 2016 at 12:25 AM definitely a winner, jan... sweet congrats and huggs to you,, Jan Allison October 15, 2016 at 3:05 PM Thanks Nette:-) hugs Jan xx

Agnes Krampe October 14, 2016 at 5:09 PM Congrats on your win, Jan. I had those calls too... Jan Allison October 14, 2016 at 5:32 PM They are infuriating Agnes and I feel so sorry for those who fall victim to these people. Mum gets them from time to time and she has never owned a computer in her life yet still they persist !:-( hugs jan xx

Bukiwe Tiyane October 14, 2016 at 12:59 PM Hahaha I love this funny script Jan :-) creativity Jan Allison October 14, 2016 at 5:31 PM Thanks so much Bukiwe:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel October 6, 2016 at 8:32 AM Ha ha ha, I love this story, Jan:) you are marvellous:)a 7 for you:) Jan Allison October 8, 2016 at 2:33 PM I had fun writing this Jo - just need them to ring back - I have missed them the last 2 times they have rung but I am ready with MY script lol:-) hugs jan xx

Paul Callus September 30, 2016 at 8:16 AM Who cares about an NA!!! I love your funny script, Jan:)) More short stories, please!!! Hugs // paul Jan Allison October 1, 2016 at 3:30 PM LOL Paul I realise I had my name in the script which could have been the reason it didn't place or just the fact Frank didn't like it - I am waiting for these scammers to call again and then I can try my idea out:-) hugs Jan xx

Poet Destroyer A September 28, 2016 at 12:04 AM LoL, Jan... I would have put my granddaughter on the phone. This is to funny... I want to know where you got the laptop with a cupholder... ;) I hope Frank likes this and doesn't hang up on you.....lolol JK...Linda Jan Allison September 28, 2016 at 1:51 AM LOL Linda oh I am sure your grand daughter would charm them lol. I got an n/a but had fun writing this and that is the most important thing:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y. September 27, 2016 at 5:52 PM Hi Jan, This is good and creative. Can I get a copy of that script? I wish the best of luck in the contest-7:-) Alexis Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 5:58 PM I would burn their script if I got my hands on it and disconnect the phone to stop them scamming innocent people! - the contest is closed and I got an N/A but am pleased the poem is still getting read:-) hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith September 27, 2016 at 3:05 PM Next time let them talk then when they want your credit info say my mum's not home Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 3:09 PM ha ha ha good one:-) hugs jan xx

Maurice Yvonne September 27, 2016 at 2:25 PM Jan? I wrote a new poem and I wonder if it's about one of the poets here or someone else? I am keeping it a secret even if tortured. Like if they hang me up by my eyelids and tickle me 'till I blink. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 3:08 PM ha ha ha will drop by see if its about anyone here:-) hugs Jan xx

Maurice Yvonne September 27, 2016 at 2:17 PM I got a new computer but the screen went black. I called the manufacturer for help but nothing they made me do helped. It was plugged in attached and all. Then he asked me to give him the serial number of the computer. I told him I couldn't because we were in the middle of a power blackout in our area. He said I should re package the computer and ship it back to the company but that I should first write on the top of the box "I am too effen stupid to own a computer. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 3:08 PM ha ha ha are you safe to be out on your own Armand lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Maurice Yvonne September 27, 2016 at 2:12 PM Jan? That's not a coffee cup holder that's the DVD holder...or you know...not. Loved it all the same. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 3:04 PM ha ha ha hmmmm yes I do know its not for coffee cups its for my tea lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Nette Onclaud September 27, 2016 at 1:18 PM you are laughable, lovable, jan... you really did that?..huggs Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 1:40 PM No Nette but I will when they call away:-) hugs jan xx

Carol Eastman September 27, 2016 at 9:54 AM Love it. My favories are Bennies' Ballbearing Factory... And City Morgue- You pop em, We plant em... Then Thinking of adding "Comments for Dragon Hot Line- Then after 10 seconds saying- Thank you for calling. Come again. Click." PS. Sorry ... Somehow the computer glitched and the comment some how ended up in Rick's comment. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 10:00 AM no worries Carol the comments and replies seem to have a mind of their own on some days lol:-) hugs Jan xx

White Wolf September 27, 2016 at 9:07 AM HAHAHA!!! That's hilarious, love it. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 9:50 AM lol Carol:-) hugs jan xx Carol Eastman September 27, 2016 at 9:47 AM Thinking of adding " Comments for Dragon Hotline-- Then after 10 seconds saying... Thank you for your comment. Come again. Click. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 9:22 AM I know the number they call from now Rick so I am ready to chat to them lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Supraja Kannan September 27, 2016 at 9:02 AM That's a great idea...Good luck with the contest... Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 9:21 AM Thanks Supraja:-) hugs Jan xx

Charmaine Chircop September 27, 2016 at 7:10 AM Lol...Do you know that these silly beans even call on my landline number stating They ' re from microsoft.Last time they called I told them that Im a Police officer..My phone is tapped and are being recorded...They hung up ...Lol..I dnt think they believed me...but a lie deserves another lie to reply with.: )...Really enjoyed reading you dear Jan.: ) Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 7:48 AM Oh it could be fun winding them up and as long as they are irritating us they aren't scamming someone else:-) hugs jan xx Charmaine Chircop September 27, 2016 at 7:44 AM Great idea..to use next time....They really suck. Jan Allison September 27, 2016 at 7:15 AM It's infuriating Charma - I had 2 calls in the last few days and when I googled the number I found it was a scam as i had suspected so I think I will play them at their own game lol - at least if they are talking to me it will be using their time and phone bill - my aunt is great at these scam calls she starts going on about her fake medical conditions and won't let them get a word in edgeways lol