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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

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I did not write this but it's so funny I had to share it.

1) Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your arm as if holding a baby. Position forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens it's mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill. 4) Take new pill from package and cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to 10 . 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. 6) Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees. Hold front and rear paws ignoring low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail and take another pill from the package. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in a towel and get partner to lie on top of cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in the end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down the straw. 9) Check label to see if pill is harmful to humans and drink a pint of beer to take the taste away. Apply band aide to partner's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed and get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door firmly on neck. Force mouth open with dessert spoon and flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer, fetch bottle of Scotch, pour a shot and drink. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect, then toss back another shot. Throw away remnant of T-shirt and put on a new one. 12) Take cat to vet and get him to give cat the pill.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022




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Date: 1/28/2022 8:11:00 AM
I have to send this to my Daughter-in- law as she need some lessons on how to give her cat a pill. LoL, Loved the story, another (fav). Thanks for sharing. Blessings ~ Debra.
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Date: 1/26/2022 7:05:00 PM
Not for the timid DIY-er, I daresay. Thanks for the laughs, Judy! This was a real cat-astrophe. ~ gw
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Date: 1/26/2022 9:37:00 AM
This is hysterically funny, but all too true - we don't have a cat but we had an incident just outside our courtyard and you my friend have given me the inspiration to write about. You deserve POTD for this excellent write - KUDO'S Judy, hope this is fiction! Hugs and blessings, Jennifer.
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Date: 1/25/2022 8:01:00 PM
oh wow, you went all out here with sarcasm and great humor. Wonderful, Judy.
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Date: 1/24/2022 1:47:00 PM
WOW!!! Priceless. Way Toooooooo Gooooo. Funny. Thanks for the laugh. Guess you are covered in blood. Your "12) Take cat to vet and get him to give cat the pill." is the way to go. Less blood. Have a blessed day/week..............
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/24/2022 5:18:00 PM
Thanks so much Paula. God Bless, JB
Date: 1/23/2022 8:14:00 AM
Judy, you are amazing. Thank you for your contribution. I'm still laughing right now!
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/23/2022 3:04:00 PM
Thank you so much Lasaad. Don't know who wrote this but I have saved it with my fave poems from other poets. Had to share it. God Bless, JB
Date: 1/23/2022 4:03:00 AM
I do see the humor in this list poem. LOL..Most people would have given up about the 3rd one down, so you have to give the owner some credit for persistence. I have never tried to give my cat a pill, she bolts when I try to put flea medicine on her head. She hates that for some reason. Thanks for your visit to my page. Sara
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/23/2022 3:02:00 PM
Thank you so much Sara. I know what you mean. Cats hate having anything put on them. God Bless, JB
Date: 1/23/2022 1:44:00 AM
Pure funny, Thank God I have no cats. But fun is fun.
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/23/2022 2:59:00 PM
Thank you so much Victor. I have had cats and dogs all my life and cannot see myself living without either. They are wonderful friends and warm the home immeasurably. Glad you liked this. God Bless, JB
Date: 1/22/2022 9:39:00 PM
Marvelous, Judy. Thanks for sharing. I'm still laughing!
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/23/2022 2:53:00 PM
Glad you like it Milton. God Bless, JB
Date: 1/22/2022 6:34:00 PM
That is hilarious, Judy! Thanks for sharing! Blessings, Kim M
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Judy Ball
Date: 1/23/2022 2:52:00 PM
Thank you so much Kim. Don't know who wrote this but it sure is funny. I have two cats and have never had to do that. God Bless, JB