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Hindsight always equals 20 20

Hindsight always equals 20/20 Acuity absent amidst domestic turmoil, passage of time nsync with diminished pitched family emotional battles relieves blinded insight allowing, enabling, and providing painful awareness incumbent to mourn the absent paternal maturity, I reach out with genuine non petty heart ache aware impact loosed mismanaging attentive can never be expunged, nor can yours truly (me) affect diminished rancor quite understandable, cuz anger gypping healthy development (body, mind, spirit triage) during majority, viz mein kampf i.e. permanent arrested maturation leaves papa experiencing grievous sadness plus mixed grabbag (no, NOT plastic) comp wry zing livid rage, how mine existence bereft of untested discomfort compounded courtesy extreme introvertedness linkedin with immense anxiety, minus self esteem, self acceptance, et cetera, where torturous mindset difficult to comprehend decades removed, when innocent naiveté cleaved childhood's end aborting short lived bliss, where loving parents birthed this offspring neurologically riddled with devastating hear owing, lacerating...psychologically blistering pain reflexively found withdrawal into shell totally detached where human league, family, of origin, classmates...seemed bajillion miles away alone within minecrafted bitterly cold wilderness not accessible by father, mother, sisters, and then later progeny and spouse, hermetically sealing myself totally risk averse to interact, thus invariably penalizing capacity against growth unwittingly truncating, stemming, rooting behavior – imprisoned labyrinth castout never feeling important, especially during early boyhood, adolescence, young adulthood, and retrospectively deeming garden variety generic lad ill equipped to cope with ordinary everyday circumstances (as grown ascribing unfortunate series of events) to biochemical and physical anomalies (most binary non visible) exhibiting apathy during formative stages deeming life arduous ordeal, thus self resignation toward attaining nothing short of failure reinforced with abysmal academic and employment track record, where death be not proud donned and trumpeted as anorexia nervosa inflicting permanent irrevocable harm even till this very moment dumbly smarting as more or less solitary, lone wolf dissociated concerning emasculation, isolation, liberation never joining the thick of hoopla - deathly off frayed rejection would slap me upside the head aloofness inadmissible begetting offspring whose needs and wants trumped selfishness, thus... no deliberate intent to wreak havoc upon deux daughters, the eldest bearing brunt of fallout while agonizingly struggling - loathe to accept mental, physical, spiritual deficiencies.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

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