Hindsight 20 20

I was coming up on 60, when I found a lump in my left breast. One day of anxiety turned into two weeks of tribulation as I returned again and again to the hospital for tests. At last, I got my verdict: level 2 estrogen-driven cancer. At this time, I had an unreliable health insurance company. I felt as if waves of fear were washing over me, for I also had to make numerous phone calls to “Liberty Health Share” just to be sure bills were not mounting. The actual lumpectomy was a glad day for me because the surgeon was quite certain I would not require chemo because the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes. Finally, a month later I got the news: my tumor showed as genetic. The waves of fear inside me turned into a tsunami of terror. Never had I known my father’s family very well. I have since learned that most of his nine siblings died of cancer. Sleeplessness plagued me, and I even considered going to Mexico for alternative treatments because I simply could not fathom how chemo, a procedure with its own new set of risks, could benefit me. It would have decreased my odds of cancer returning by only 13%. Why me, I thought. I always had a fairly healthy life style. Why me? I have never prayed often just for myself. Even though I developed through my life numerous weird trials most likely due to childhood trauma, I’d always accepted my trials and did what I could to get myself help. Cancer is different. Knowing it can come again is not easy to accept. I was checking out wigs and feeling so betrayed by my body when I decided to get on my knees and pray really hard for answers. The entire week prior to chemotherapy I got on my knees to pray in earnest. It happened that a renowned retired doctor from Canada was my neighbor. I was telling him how I was set to start chemotherapy in a few days. I felt SO good by what he told me. My neighbor doctor gave me clarity. He set me up with a scientist friend of his who also admonished me to forego chemotherapy and gave me reasons why. He suggested natural alternatives to chemo, and I began researching ways to fight cancer naturally. I now eat 7 servings of veggies a day. I try to eat organic, and I drink Essiac tea. My own daughter got cancer, and because she knew of my problems with my post-cancer treatments, I was able to steer her clear of dangerous things suggested by many doctors. It’s nearly a decade later, and I haven’t returned to my oncologist. I am so glad that I listened to my inner voice and took my concerns to God. Only God knows ME and what I need. This is what having cancer taught me.