Heart break

Heart break. It’s not just a feeling, it mentally messes you up. Heartbreak is so strong, it’s like a pain in your chest that won’t go away, it’s like you can physically feel your heart splitting in two. I wish I didn’t know how it felt to have your heart broken but unfortunately I do so let me explain to you how it feels, When you hear the words or see the action that causes you to feel this way, you feel pain and a lot of it, sometimes it hurts so much it’s like You can’t even breathe, your chest gets tighter and you can feel your whole world falling apart, right now you may be thinking I’m exaggerating but once your heartbroken there’s no feeling quite as strong, you feel like you have nothing left, nothing to live for. What’s the point in carrying on when you don’t have that thing no more? Let me tell you my heartbreak started when he left me, when he sent me that text my heart shattered into a million pieces, he broke me, I didn’t know what to do I didn’t know how to cope and I still don’t know how I’m coping, it’s like missing him comes in waves one night you will be in calm waves and the next you will be drowning. My experience of heartbreak consists of missing him a lot and doing things that break me even more. Everyday I wake up and have to deal with this pain, it’s the strongest feeling in the world it takes over you but you just have to pretend your fine, make it seem like your not suffering you don’t miss him, he’s not on your mind every second of the day, he’s just a stranger now just remember that, and as your reminding yourself that he comes more into your life, not only that you start to find your happiness again and then suddenly and all at once it’s been taken from you once again, you start to think where did I go wrong? What did I do to make him leave again? And then once again he’s just a stranger. That’s when the lonely nights start to creep back in, you had forgotten just how strong the pain is, when you once was used to it to now feeling it all over again, it tears you down, every time you loose a part of yourself and it’s left with him. You don’t help yourself you just keep feeding yourself memories and once again can’t get him off your mind. You try everything to stop yourself from thinking about him but it’s like there’s a hole that needs to be filled in you and everything you do isn’t good enough, unless it’s him, he’s what’s needed to fill the hole. But is it worth it? Putting yourself through all of this pain to find your happiness but knowing your not going to find it because it’s him and you don’t and never will have him. While your trying to reach out for him again not only are you hurting yourself but You start hurting others. Knowing Your doing that makes it all 10x worse, just because your broken doesn’t mean you have to break others, but it’s not like Your intentionally doing it, you just do things in the wrong way and end up hurting them. All You want is for the pain to be gone. I’ve heard something before that says sometimes you have to be selfish and think of yourself to make you happy, so you do and at the time You found your happiness but afterwards the consequences were worse and You can’t tell whether you was better off before or after. At some point you get to the point where you know nothing you do will make you feel better and nothing can make you feel worse. All that’s left to say is Your broken, your hearts been ripped out and there’s no going back.