Hearing Voices

A heavy fog, misty gloom, sadness Spreads all around me, sinking deeper Into my spirit, my heart – my depths Singling me out for the doubt That feasts on my broken dreams Devouring all my happiness and breathing Slowly, urgently…. Through my veins Flowing uncertainty, suspicion, skepticism Powerful plasma of despair and dread Sinking my joy into the intense blackness Stifling every splash of inspiration, Shining panic, terror, through my silent Need for something to heal, to help Comforting the disquiet that leaves me… Anxious and afraid A vague sense of ambiguity, desolation Sweeps through my heart, my thoughts, Discouraging, daunting, dampening Every feeling of goodness, acceptance hope The joy that once danced there within me is numbed, stiff, frozen beyond thawing tenderness, once liquid, is cold and solid, like a prayer that has faded into the past leaving only the memory of how amazingly my heart has been blessed Night creeps into my bones, shattering All the optimism that I’ve known Ominous, ruined songs of anticipation Mysterious suspicions attack, even my fantasies Feel like pessimism buried beneath Masks of gladness – the nervousness Rages through my stillness, covering me With threads of incumbrance, alarm, trepidation Fear is never ending, always there, speaking Louder in the silence than it is in the noise Intensity pouring out hopelessness through my soul Dimming even my very best aspirations, Courage is gone and I am ashamed That this fear, this dread… it wilts my pleasure Recedes into the shadows, weakening Failure shrivels all my inspirations, colors me In hues of death, grief – lasting phobias When the panic rises, on the inside I know only to hide – beneath the silhouettes Peace, prayer, praise… they wane, vanishing Into the cryptic secrets of mental illness Where light grows faint, reflecting only The sighs of a night so yawning it speaks In a voice of demise, a voice of passing A voice so afraid it is as garish, stark… As fear itself!