Hearing Voices
A heavy fog, misty gloom, sadness
Spreads all around me, sinking deeper
Into my spirit, my heart – my depths
Singling me out for the doubt
That feasts on my broken dreams
Devouring all my happiness and breathing
Slowly, urgently…. Through my veins
Flowing uncertainty, suspicion, skepticism
Powerful plasma of despair and dread
Sinking my joy into the intense blackness
Stifling every splash of inspiration,
Shining panic, terror, through my silent
Need for something to heal, to help
Comforting the disquiet that leaves me…
Anxious and afraid
A vague sense of ambiguity, desolation
Sweeps through my heart, my thoughts,
Discouraging, daunting, dampening
Every feeling of goodness, acceptance
hope
The joy that once danced there within me
is numbed, stiff, frozen beyond thawing
tenderness, once liquid, is cold and solid,
like a prayer that has faded into the past
leaving only the memory of how amazingly
my heart has been blessed
Night creeps into my bones, shattering
All the optimism that I’ve known
Ominous, ruined songs of anticipation
Mysterious suspicions attack, even my fantasies
Feel like pessimism buried beneath
Masks of gladness – the nervousness
Rages through my stillness, covering me
With threads of incumbrance, alarm, trepidation
Fear is never ending, always there, speaking
Louder in the silence than it is in the noise
Intensity pouring out hopelessness through my soul
Dimming even my very best aspirations,
Courage is gone and I am ashamed
That this fear, this dread… it wilts my pleasure
Recedes into the shadows, weakening
Failure shrivels all my inspirations, colors me
In hues of death, grief – lasting phobias
When the panic rises, on the inside
I know only to hide – beneath the silhouettes
Peace, prayer, praise… they wane, vanishing
Into the cryptic secrets of mental illness
Where light grows faint, reflecting only
The sighs of a night so yawning it speaks
In a voice of demise, a voice of passing
A voice so afraid it is as garish, stark…
As fear itself!
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