Happy

I’m happy! So happy! So all of the happiness is condensed and skewed. All the sounds are happy. Even the crows are happy. Every moment that was happy… Even the ones I don’t remember. That’s all that is in this timeline. Smiling baby, good grades, my birthday. It’s all coming back. But it’s not flashing, it’s just happening. I’m just in a chair, smiling, and they are talking. I’m closing my eyes now, but I’m not asleep. I can hear them talking and the voices are happy. The cycle, I promise to remember that it’s a cycle… I say it to myself, more harshly every time. I just can’t remember…anything bad that ever happened… I can’t remember, I can’t remember… Not even the time my mom yelled at me this morning or ten years ago… I’m like a…happy, beautiful star. Formed from nothingness. Living in nothingness. Twinkling and burning. I wonder if I will live for a million years like a star does… I hope I do. I know this illness will.