Limericks for slimmeriks

The day I nigh lost my religion, doubting the Bible of Gideon, I was still caught in a deep daze, when shown the error of my ways ~ I got shat on by a white pigeon. It's said about Sinbad the Sailor he once needed an expert tailor. But the only one to be found drove a cab around Puget Sound. So Sinbad said, “Can you please hail her?” Everyone agrees that by and large, I am the favorite beau of Marge. She has many other lovers who find fun under her covers, but only I ~ get it free of charge. We serve water from toilet to tap. Surprise, surprise! It don't taste like crap. We've made the water just as pure, as fresh spring water, that's for sure. Why are you holding your nose, my chap? That night, when Adam watched Eve undress, she saw what words could not yet express. Underneath him, something went "boing." Then, they heard a nightingale’s "soing." And then, Able was conceived, we guess. Relaxing in a super hot bath, I felt atoms tickling my ass. There could've been trillions. Or perhaps just billions. Not sure, cuz I'm so bad at math. I once saw a stripper in Raleigh whose bulge made girls go, "Oh, my golly!" And he would jigger that big thing into something as riveting as the art of Salvadore Dali. Cruising in her Hyundai Sonata, listening to a Bach cantata, she killed the overhead light and mused, “For dinner tonight, I'd love your twelf-inch enchilada.” I went to a clairvoyant in Rheims who could interpret all kinds of dreams. I said I dreamed of a monkey pinning a tail on a donkey. "Soooo! You're obsessed with asses, it seems." So yes, I would much rather than not take a good, hard look at what you've got. And if you've got too little, I'll remain noncommittal. But surely not if you've got a lot. I never once said that you were fat. I'd never be as nasty as that. I think you’re a real cutey, with a fine looking booty. Although you're tummy ain't all that flat. She was such a delectable dish! She said, “I’ll see you around 8-ish?” So I rang the bell on her door, a good fifteen minutes before, cuz I didn't wanna be late-ish. Jill and I don't need that many words. We tend to communicate like birds. In zany tweets and wacky twitter, she teases me, whereas I kid her, in fab fields of sillies and absurds. When they questioned me that fateful day, I said, “Please! I got nothing to say.” "But you're our only eyewitness!" “Oh yeah? But I was scared sh-tless, and I was looking the other way.”