Hair Washing Heralded Huge Happening

Earlier today April 4th, 2022, which supersedes bald faced headlines pointing finger and Putin blame for Bucha killings squarely on head & shoulders of Russian autocrat, née yours truly lathered his hirsute higglety-pigglety thinning oily tresses. Hark….the herald angels sing, snapchat and twitter Uber view doo for mass communication mediums stop the well conditioned presses when I, a regular schlemiel took shampoo to mine matted mass mop (lame and feeble dreadful locks) of straggly follicles, and commenced to dispense with the heady ecosystem viz rare crop of flora and fauna (some rank as endangered species) rub and band together to scratch envy of flaky key neigh bring ponytails and create quite an niche, and where also can be found lousy knit wit vendors ready to scalp and give shaft to razor sharp purveyors, who mane lee scout out available head room to nap without a stir, tub bed down (praying Holy Scott no wash out nor Harris mint occurs), or burrow vis a vis, where subcutaneous porous droplet size water ship down pieces of prime residence found counting one mister comb lee bald faced realtor amidst competing rival bulb buss (h)Edward scissorhands (with knot to heavy a price toupee) affianced to rapunzel, whom he sheared split ends as her barber of civil, one dapper dan duh ruff dude to offer lice cent shuss insects a tonsured cut above other stylish habitués (preferring to fraternize, glad-hand, and hobnob amidst a cluster of big wigs housed by yours truly - Samson in gleaming puffy pompadour pads tightly secured with the best dreadlocks, which harum-scarum green barrettes serve as first line of rinse able defense IdentityGuard (with franchisee Bob O Link averse to split hairs, but fierce as a Mohawk and ring leader to protect any curl of mine) waving away intruders, who if insist tubby persistent and tangle with fate cannot expect camaraderie from buzz cutting crew i.e. the fuzz to give expletive filled lathering, severe shame poo wing subjugation plus an up braiding experience), and teach stragglers they will suffer a real perm in hint bang up job and experience embarrassing cut up if they brazenly brush against brylcreem of the crop rooted as rightful heirs (hairs) of tousled doo mane and thus tail all told.