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Poem
Earlier today April 4th, 2022,
which supersedes bald faced headlines 
pointing finger and 
Putin blame for Bucha killings
squarely on head & shoulders
of Russian autocrat, née
yours truly lathered 
his hirsute higglety-pigglety 
thinning oily tresses. 

Hark….the herald angels sing, 
snapchat and twitter Uber view doo 
for mass communication mediums 
stop the well conditioned presses 
when I, a regular schlemiel 
took shampoo to mine matted mass mop
(lame and feeble dreadful locks) 
of straggly follicles, and commenced 
to dispense with the heady ecosystem 

viz rare crop of flora and fauna 
(some rank as endangered species) 
rub and band together 
to scratch envy of flaky key 
neigh bring ponytails 
and create quite an niche, 
and where also can be found
lousy knit wit vendors ready to scalp 
and give shaft to razor sharp purveyors, 

who mane lee scout out 
available head room to nap 
without a stir, tub bed down 
(praying  Holy Scott no wash out 
nor Harris mint occurs), 
or burrow vis a vis, 
where subcutaneous porous droplet size 
water ship down pieces of 
prime residence found 

counting one mister 
comb lee bald faced realtor 
amidst competing rival 
bulb buss (h)Edward scissorhands
(with knot to heavy a price toupee) 
affianced to rapunzel, 
whom he sheared split ends 
as her barber of civil, 
one dapper dan duh ruff dude to offer 

lice cent shuss insects a tonsured cut 
above other stylish habitués 
(preferring to fraternize, 
glad-hand, and hobnob 
amidst a cluster of big wigs 
housed by yours truly - Samson
in gleaming puffy pompadour 
pads tightly secured 
with the best dreadlocks, 

which harum-scarum 
green barrettes serve 
as first line of rinse able defense 
IdentityGuard (with franchisee 
Bob O Link averse 
to split hairs, but fierce 
as a Mohawk and ring leader 
to protect any curl of mine) 
waving away intruders, 

who if insist tubby persistent 
and tangle with fate 
cannot expect camaraderie 
from buzz cutting crew i.e. the fuzz 
to give expletive filled lathering, 
severe shame poo wing subjugation 
plus an up braiding experience), 
and teach stragglers 
they will suffer a real perm
 
in hint bang up job 
and experience embarrassing cut up
if they brazenly brush 
against brylcreem of the crop 
rooted as rightful heirs (hairs) 
of tousled doo mane
and thus tail all told.
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