Gods Gift

Am I a gift from god if so lord hold me im just scared of the old me nd even when i pray my late nights seem lonely Friends often seem phony And being a hot boy only brings out the cold me I'm tired of not living only to know I'm dying slowly They say life is a blessing I'm waiting for someone to show me cuz life can leave shortly and even interesting things somehow now seem to bore me Things I use to love I look at now and think that ain't for me im stuck in the ocean only looking for the shore see life is so short to regret or forget or accept so i do what i want i dont believe in respect or neglect what heck you swim only to realize once you reach the shore youre a piece of sand just a spec in a life of ship wrecks and lifes a long rope firmly wrapped around your neck nd know if your life is messing up you could slip in a sec i dont wanna live life strugglin off every check life has a lot to offer but not for me cuz ive checked nd ive searched from the streets to a church ive spilled my heart in every stanza and every verse my life feels like a movie for which i never rehearsed so curse at the sky nd ask why am i cursed life is a long ride but its smoother in a hearse i want it all so bad but i question my willingness to work i try to open my eyes when they are already wide open wishing to wake up but im willing to keep hoping that this is all a bad dream nd im on a bed comatose i look at lifes doctor nd see reality hoping that they hold a dose I rip myself to shreds and pull my heart right out of it And see the face of the lord on it and realize I am gods gift