Getting What I Really Wanted

I wanted peanut butter and jam But settled for bread and butter I wanted a puppy but got a hamster instead I wanted you to live forever Until I wished you were dead You promised me everything it was always less than enough You lacked imagination I was never interested in stuff Instead of substance you offered tough Me not being understood was worse than rough You bribed me with attention so I would hang on every word I was the invisible hopeful talker who wanted to be heard I waited for your pauses Hoping for a say But it seemed that you were breathless morning night and day Why did I think you were amazing the true epitome I believed in your greatness the carefully constructed history A lover of self a strange christianity Your selfishness became your blasphemy Daddy, papa, stranger, ghost You gave little but wanted the most I wanted to know you as a better man You couldn't tell me that I could or can succeed in life or truly stand You lacked the ability to be that dad All I could think was that I was bad Still in some strange way, you're the reason who I am and I'm glad. My life didn't turn out to be sad The ones in my life Who I love and who want I gift them with more than tears I've learned through my years the strength of my ears By listening to hopes I've alleviated fears At times I've been their mirrors By knowing who they are I've helped them go far They're better than famous They are who they are When someone is loved they feel like a star All anyone wants Is to be on the radar So thanks to you I'm seen in a way Today, when it means everything Things turned out better than okay!