Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

I wanted
peanut butter and jam
But settled
for bread and butter
I wanted a puppy
but got a hamster instead
I wanted you to live forever
Until I wished you were dead

You promised me everything
it was always less than enough
You lacked imagination
I was never interested in stuff
Instead of substance you offered tough
Me not being understood was worse than rough

You bribed me with attention
so I would hang on every word
I was the invisible hopeful talker 
who wanted to be heard
I waited for your pauses
Hoping for a say
But it seemed that you were breathless
morning night and day

Why did I think you were amazing
the true epitome 
I believed in your greatness
the carefully constructed history
A lover of self a strange christianity
Your selfishness 
became your blasphemy 

Daddy, papa,
stranger, ghost
You gave little but wanted the most
I wanted to know you as a better man
You couldn't tell me that I could or can
succeed in life or truly stand
You lacked the ability to be that dad
All I could think was that I was bad
Still in some strange way, 
you're the reason who I am and I'm glad.
My life didn't turn out to be sad


The ones in my life  
Who I love and who want
I gift them with more than tears
I've learned through my years
the strength of my ears
By listening to hopes
I've alleviated fears  
At times I've been their mirrors 
By knowing who they are
I've helped them go far
They're better than famous
They are who they are
When someone is loved they feel like a star
All anyone wants
Is to be on the radar
So thanks to you
I'm seen in a way
Today, when it means everything
Things turned out better than okay!

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