Home » Poems » Matthew Harris » Fresh Out of a Cold Shower

Fresh Out of a Cold Shower

After being amply lathered
     from head to toe, aye
ya eye ya eye ya eye, and without fail
     (gluteus maximus unloads a dump,

     as predictably happens 
     like clockwork orange
     after washing off suds),
     this nada so grand poo ba
     drops ship capsizing sinkers

     (hefty waste ballast
     causing sea level to rise), this aint
     "NOT FAKE" just ask Cap'n Bligh
     sitting athwart the poop deck

     i.e. christened "Porcelain Goddess"
     well nar did die
after being privy seeing yours truly
     exit the water closet did espy

a much relieved rearing ass a nine guy,
which also earned me,
     the nick name "Rump,"
     not evident, via friendly customary wave

     conveyed expediting,
     (viz nonverbally)
     business cheekily dreck eliminated
eh, the formality establishment,

     sans customary "hi"
whereupon without any waste I
sought to secure these
     weather beaten lovely bones of mine
preparatory to a tidal wave,
     thus refuge sought
     behind (a replica), 
     sans Bridge over the River Kwai
after moving ma bowels, no lie,

which predictable tsunami 
     predicated on my
humungous substantial
rectal discharge well nigh
generating threatening 
     rip snorting currents

     impossible mission  e'en ex spurt semen to ply
especially, flush with panic (a bum er,
     but mandatory duty) when lookout scout,
     (an E Medic) didst spy
an immense wall of water, aye yai yai!

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