Forgiveness - Edited With Addendum
She always shouted at me
criticized me full day
Told my husband, in laws and kid I am bad
They hated me
and treated me badly
Every moment everyone only told me how bad I am
It seemed as if I was baddest in world
I often cried
Felt I didn't deserve to live
I thought my karma's were the cause and endured it all
I kept mum, I didn't want to hurt her and sin further
Already I was suffering a lot
She also did black magic on me
I would find things in house that didn’t belong to me
All my new dresses would have a red stain like blood,
It would just not go
When I wore those dresses
I would become negative, depressed and cry for hours
Thoughts like running away from home would come in mind
I didn't know what to do
How to remove the stain
How can I go out wearing a cloth with red stain in it
But I had to
Anything new I purchased would be stained next day
I suffered for 15 years
Every moment agony, sadness, pain
Everyone hated me, criticized me
My self-confidence at its lowest ebb
The very thought of those days still make me sad
After she left home, everything stopped!
It was only then I realized that she was the cause of the red stain
All say forgive and forget
But how can I forgive her?
How can I not hate her?
Despite my best efforts I am not able to do it
It is Easier said than done!
I have stopped talking to her
I want to be away from her physically and mentally
That is the only way I can be happy!
I cannot stop hating her
I cannot like her
I keep myself busy and try not think of her.
Still mind gets very upset at times.
Those times I tell myself, my karmas are the cause of my suffering
She is a mere instrument in hands of God to punish me.
With these thoughts I calm my mind
When I read about forgiveness I laugh
It is not easy for humans to forgive
Best is not to think
What you don't think doesn't exist.
Addendum 1 day later:
***********************
After writing above, mind was in turmoil
Scriptures state we are a part of God
Then why this suffering
Why God doesn't end our suffering
Am I really a part of God?
Is my whole body a part of God or just soul?
I opened Bhagvad Gita, started reading
Got the answer :
Soul is part of God. Body is not.
Soul is eternal, body is perishable
Body suffers for sins of previous births
Since soul associates itself with body it feels pain
We are the soul not the body.
Moment I read the above, I felt peaceful
Whome to forgive?
For what?
I never suffered. It was the body which suffered.
I am the soul.
Question of forgiveness doesn't arise at all.
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This is what I read :
BG 15.7: The embodied souls in this material world are My eternal fragmental parts. But bound by material nature, they are struggling with the six senses including the mind.
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Premier contest winner 3rd position
26.05.2021
Copyright © Rama Balasubramanian | Year Posted 2021
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