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Forgetting all over again

Version 2 there is fascination within broken glass save the unbroken skin with light touch amid scattering of beautiful danger reminiscence teases something can't be accessed that warm dirty air in an underground station soothing whilst slowly choking the train creates a breeze, almost knowing your reflection in windows or gallery paintings or looking up from a lake something on the tip of almost invisible tongues never telling then the brain shakes it free lists out mundane tasks and you walk a to b comment on the weather sit in your car follow a familiar route forgetting all over again Version 1 There's a fascination with broken glass Unbroken skin, if the touch is light enough It scatters, leaving beautiful danger Reminiscence is there Somewhere I can't access Like the warm dirty air of an underground station Soothed whilst slowly choking As the train creates a breeze of almost knowing Your own reflection in shop windows or gallery paintings Or looking up from a lake Something on the tip of your almost invisible tongue Never telling Then the brain shakes it free Lists out mundane tasks And you walk a to b Comment on the weather Sit in your car Follow a familiar route Forgetting all over again

Copyright © | Year Posted 2024




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Date: 3/16/2024 9:49:00 AM
This is a masterful collection of a cognitive journey -- great writing here without superfluous embellishment!! Gettin it dun! And your switch in tone and thought at the conclusion "wreaths" it back cleverly---(only thing I would play with is the format to make the lines a tad more even - feels better to the eye) - sort of like the presentation of a great meal...
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Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/16/2024 10:17:00 AM
Quick edit done
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Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/16/2024 9:53:00 AM
You're completely right of course, that overhanging line was bothering me and I'm still needlessly fighting editing my work... Thank you for the feedback. I will take another look :)
Date: 3/15/2024 7:43:00 PM
This is a profound poem. I guess boredom can lead to memory lapses. May your memories always be clear.
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Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/16/2024 9:53:00 AM
Thank you Hilda
Date: 3/15/2024 6:07:00 PM
Dear DD, this is a very profound exploration of memory, longing, and the elusive nature of reminiscence. The imagery of broken glass and unbroken skin beautifully captures the delicate balance between beauty and danger in the act of remembering. I love how your words evoke a sense of nostalgia and introspection, inviting me the reader to ponder the complexities of the human experience. Wonderful! - Daniel
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Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/16/2024 9:44:00 AM
Thank you Daniel, glad you enjoyed it :)
Date: 3/15/2024 5:33:00 PM
Things that are true but I take for granted, you bring up. You notice them.. I love reading about all the things I experience, that you notice much more than I do... how pretty yet dangerous shattered glass is.. how beautiful flawless skin is, the station, I can just now smell it, and the freshness of the breeze that the speeding train brings as it approaches and slows to a stop. Commenting on the weather for nothing better to say.. taking a familiar root that you didn't mean to take.. you aren't going there today. You are a genius D.. You made a poem about all the things I never notice.
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Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/16/2024 9:44:00 AM
Haha not sure it's genius Wen - but it's the kind of stuff I enjoy noticing and feel there is more to see/notice than is possible. Thanks for your enthused comment x

Book: Shattered Sighs