For Chris On the 1st Anniversary of Your Suicide

I guess he lost his way when
he left the beaten path,
I guess he was confused when
instinct and logic crashed.

I guess he killed his brain cells
with alcohol and hash,
I guess that his insanity
held him firmly in its grasp.

Asleep, I guess his paranoia
seemed to grow and bloom,
I guess he sensed something
paranormal in the room.

I guess his blackened pupils
must have scanned and searched the gloom,
I guess he thought he heard the
icy rattle of the tomb.

He pretended to have a job, I'm told,
and daily left the house,
then sat all day in the cellar,
I'm told, as quiet as a mouse.

I heard that when she wasn't there,
he sometimes wore her clothes,
I imagine him sashaying 
on his man-sized tippy-toes.

His insanity made him mad, i guess,
if that makes any sense,
I know his thoughts were warped though,
by no coincidence.

I see him in a fetal posture,
vulnerably curled.
I see him having lost all hope
and contact with the world.

I see him sitting all alone,
re-reading what he wrote,
a madman's twelve page ranting
in his sad and final note.


©Danielle White

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009



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Date: 3/23/2010 8:43:00 AM
So sad, hauntingly beautiful.
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Date: 5/8/2009 9:10:00 AM
So deeply sorry for such a tragic loss. My heart goes out to you. This is so difficult even to read. Cannot imagine how you deal with such heartbreaking tragedy in real life. The write, pain-filled but exceptional poetry. Love, Shar
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Date: 5/7/2009 7:12:00 PM
Frown~What sorrows of suicide are so sadly told....Again, I find "Your" writing, absolutely intriguing, compelling and amazing!!!:):)~I do not know why I have not stopped by to within comment to "You" before!!? For again, "You Are Such A Talented Story Teller & Writer!!!":):)~"Sad, but perfectly expressed and written"~"Much Warmth & Blessings Always To 'You & Your Loves,' John!!!":):) Bye Gifted Lady ~
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Date: 5/7/2009 5:01:00 PM
This is a very fine piece...how very sad and my heart goes out to you. Be proud of this write..it is very special. BG
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Date: 5/7/2009 2:20:00 PM
I feel the pain so deep in your words.. you expressed it so well, heatbreaking, a story, that can be true for so many families. Thanks for sharing just a glimpse of this, for I know there is more to the story.. they say time heals, not sure if I agree with that, perhaps, time just allows us to accept.
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Date: 5/7/2009 2:09:00 PM
This is so heart wrenching and I feel so sorry that this happened to you. Some are able to come through all the drugs and some are not. It is such a problem with younger kids. I quit my job at a smoke shop because we sold drug hookas, pipes, scales and things. It was killing me watching these kids come in to purchase all these articles. I went home crying for these kids. It broke my heart and I had to leave that job. Losing someone to drugs is tragic. Your in my prayers. God Bless Phyl
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Date: 5/7/2009 9:56:00 AM
soup mail delivery....
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Date: 5/7/2009 9:47:00 AM
Wow....the heart break here is unspeakable. There is nothing one can say to make peace with such a tragic scene as this, it rips the heart apart.
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Date: 5/7/2009 9:33:00 AM
Danielle - Oh my God where would one begin to try and comment on this - I once sat on my Grandfathers grave and did a shot of heroin that would kill an elephant - i went out and the sprinklers woke me in the morning and I remember how pissed I was that I was still here - All I can figure is the Lord had a purpose for me and I try so hard to answer that calling though often I feel I have failed to do so - I cried for your loss - My Prayers are with you hon -Yf4L -God Bless, mj
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