First Night, Detox

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** For all those who have been "there" and survived ... one day at-a-time. **

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(Journal ~ February 11, 2005) Lonely?? The loneliness is beyond expression The most monstrous variety of regretful solitude imaginable THE moment, no thunder or lightning or crushing surf Just a heavy, drifting, silent snow in the night A hospital bed, my cell, but the prison inside ... terrifying The frozen white fairies drift down through a triangle of street light And all I can do is count them ... minutes-to-hours, hours-to-days Paralyzed by the categorical certainty that I'm dying Though I know with every fiber that I'm NOT, anxiety says otherwise Makes me FEEL otherwise, to the point of terror The arms of canvas jacket tied behind me matter not For I can not move so much as my gaze Focused on the hypnotic dance of flakes in lamp light I've been here before, sadly, each time worse Praying for the glow of morning and the smidgen of hope it carries For the dream of this monster releasing its stranglehold But this is day one ... of countless others There is naught but the dark specter of it intensifying And the horrifying knowledge that this is only ... The beginning. ~ 5th Place ~ in the "Going Deep Within An Emotion" Poetry Contest Sheri Fresonke Harper, Judge & Sponsor.

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John Hamilton

Date: 7/30/2019 10:47:00 AM

A very heartbreaking story that is sadly true, we are all glad you're still here, congrats on a fine placement!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 7/30/2019 6:45:00 PM

Maybe not all, John, but certainly the folks I care about and admire, of which you will always be a chart-topper. I'm so thankful for your understanding and friendship and encouragement, my friend - blessings always! :o)

Sheri Fresonke Harper

Date: 7/27/2019 6:16:00 PM

Congratulations on your 5th place win, Gregory in the contest. I loved the specifics you use in conveying the loneliness of the experience undergoing detox. Bravo

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 7/30/2019 6:42:00 PM

Thank you so very much for the kind words, Sheri, and for your lack of judgement, as there is so much misunderstanding when it comes to this demon. I am a medical professional, and most of my friends in rehab were of similar background - most people just don't realize the extent of the problem ...

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 7/30/2019 6:42:00 PM

(2) I hope these poems will, if nothing else, shed a bit of light on that, and on the reality that it IS survivable. Blessings, my friend! :o) <3

John Lawless

Date: 6/7/2019 8:54:00 PM

...but it can be the beginning of the beginning of a new beginning.....nothing ike dancing with fairies that no one else can see...

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 6/7/2019 9:32:00 PM

(And those fairies kept me sane ... barely, lol) ;-)

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 6/7/2019 9:24:00 PM

Indeed, John, it was the beginning of an intense battle, but also the start of a new life for me, (literally, as my heart had stopped three times earlier that day), and I have not abused anything since. It is a daily battle, but I'm alive ... and beyond grateful to still be breathing fourteen years longer than anyone expected. Blessings, my friend! :-)