Fighting God

Taught when young, eyes raised skyward, to speak on my knees, to the ether, Sundays every week. Thanks for the gift of life and length of days, lined up along the pew the family prays. Sunday school and learn the book by rote, 'ask and you'll receive' the promise quotes. The years went by, still praying for some answers, clutching at manger straw for any chances that Divine Grace would save my Dad and Mum and brother, invoking Mary, Queen of Heaven, perfect Mother. But....... Silence from the one we're told will save. Three names etched out in gold, all on one grave. No more..... One last goodbye, one final genuflection. I'll bend a knee no more to this deception. Hush the choir now, close your pearly gates, I'll walk alone now, master of my fate. The Citadel of me, strong, solid walls but inside, darkness- nothing there at all except an icy longing, tinged with pain. Pews creak, and I'm kneeling down again. Can't tell you why I'm here, no reason why but once again the newborn Saviour cries.