Excessive Compulsion
And her voice is the tingle of upbeat blues,
the winsome rap amid my heavy footsteps, past 2 am...
She holds my hand as I’d never wake up
after twilight, drinking to the end of a broken bottle,
How those arms cuddle me like my hair
isn't filthy , avoiding normal showers that
I can’t put this body to rest, to rest;
howling about a compulsive urge needling within a mind
which impairs an otherwise peaceful life with her :
Disappearing into bars and gaming clubs ,
and more bars to silence my fears
so I can’t hear the jeers of ghosts on the
walls, within each pulse-beat, through her embrace
… through it all,
She smiles calmly ignoring the stench of alcohol
in - out breaths, regardless of my absence
from quality time I am unable to keep.
… Still,
I can’t honor myself the same way that
she does... as though I never yelled, argued,
or told her to go lose herself beneath cold moonlight,
while kicking the door without atonement--
She loves me unequivocably as if I can find the gentleness
of one day when I can CHANGE.
Brainstorm Contest of John Hamilton
10/21/2018
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Compulsive-obsessive behavior is a mental dysfunction including explosive anger , desire for alcohol, gambling, others. The onset of impulsivity can be thought of as seeking a small, short -term gain at the expense of a large, long term loss.
* The author was moved to write this as part of her presentation in a psycho-spiritual workshop she facilitated.
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