Ego vs Reality

I keep trying to force life to happen, Force feelings to happen, Force thoughts to align with an identity that drags me down, Yet the very thing I seek remains forever out of reach, Happiness is the process of letting go, Letting go of the very self I cling to, Time slows to an unbearable halt, I want to be better, I want to be stronger, I want, I want… The ego screams it’s demands, A deal with reality, As if only then I will be happy, As if reality was something you could bargain with, And suddenly I see the grief, I don’t want to hurt anymore, I can’t accept reality, And there is the truth behind my pain, My inability to accept it in the first place, Can I sit with the truth no matter how ugly? No? Then how can I expect to be happy? I am still sugar coating the world around me, I shy away from it’s constantly changing story, I try to separate the good from the bad, I create my own world to live in, To protect the self I am trying to leave behind…