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Dying For a Drink - Emotive Write

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MY POEM IS FICTIONAL BUT PLEASE READ JOHN HAMILTON'S TRUE POEM 'FOUR, GONE, CONCLUSION' - IT IS A FABULOUS NARRATIVE AND WORTHY OF MORE THAN JUST TWO COMMENTS. THANKS JAN XX

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/four,_gone,_conclusion_713613

I guess you never meant to cause such pain, but my world stopped turning on that dark night. You lost control of your car in the rain - the mangled wreckage was a dreadful sight, and my two teenage sons were killed outright. When the policemen arrived at my door I collapsed in tears on the kitchen floor. They suspected that you’d all been drinking my heart was broken like never before … I wondered what your parents were thinking. For you alone were the one to survive but you’ve been left in a terrible state. If you’d stayed sober they’d still be alive, getting behind the wheel you sealed their fate Any regrets…. well you’re just too darn late. My two young sons remain frozen in time they’ll never grow old, cut off in their prime. Car drivers please listen to my warning drinking and driving is a dreadful crime …. I’m left to grieve, for two sons I’m mourning Checked with how many syllables Fictional write for Dizain II Contest sponsored by Laura Loo 08~30~16

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Sara Kendrick

Date: 9/13/2016 10:21:00 AM

Your Dizain poem was awesome, creative and unique..Congratulations on your placement..Sara

Jan Allison
Date: 9/13/2016 11:25:00 AM

Thanks Sara I was delighted to place in LuLoo's contest:-) hugs Jan xx

Joseph May

Date: 9/11/2016 1:33:00 PM

A very moving poem Jan...Congrats on your win

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2016 1:35:00 PM

Thanks Joseph:-) hugs Jan xx

Eve Roper

Date: 9/11/2016 12:19:00 PM

Very Heart wrenching write , Jan, well done, congratulations on your win! Hugs Eve

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2016 12:21:00 PM

Many thanks Eve I need to start to work on a sonnet for you now:-) hugs jan xx

Lu Loo

Date: 9/11/2016 9:35:00 AM

Oh lovely Jan...this touched my on a very personal level. I have known many people who have died from drunk driving and it is so frustrating and difficult to deal with. You touched on all the emotions of someone who was drunk, yet a survivor. Very well written and touched me deeply. congratulations on your placement and thank you for being a part of my contest :)-luloo

Jan Allison
Date: 9/11/2016 10:27:00 AM

Thanks LuLoo - it is such a tragedy when these accidents happen and sadly innocent people can be injured ....or worse:-) thanks so much for placing me on you winners list:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel

Date: 9/1/2016 6:10:00 AM

A great write, Jan:) Sure to win:)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/1/2016 7:28:00 AM

I'm just happy my poems get read Jo a win is a bonus - I have 3 N/A already this week but as long as I am writing that is the most important thing:-) hugs jan xx

Joseph May

Date: 8/31/2016 6:53:00 AM

An all too sad occurrence Jan..powerful write...

Jan Allison
Date: 8/31/2016 8:17:00 AM

Thanks Joseph:-) hugs Jan xx

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 8/30/2016 5:00:00 PM

Excellent title and an impactful warning. Often the one who was drunk driving lives after killing others who were innocent. Too little too late for regrets, I agree. A very moving poem from you Jan. Brava! 7 ; )

Jan Allison
Date: 8/31/2016 8:22:00 AM

Thanks Connie:-) hugs Jan xx

Jean Murray

Date: 8/30/2016 2:45:00 PM

Well done Jan in reminding us all how lives can flip in the blink of an eye.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/31/2016 8:23:00 AM

Oh so true Jean:-( hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 8/30/2016 1:50:00 PM

Very sad Jan. There are so many options for alternate transportation now a days. No one should have to go through this.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/31/2016 8:23:00 AM

Sadly Tim there are always going to be those who take the risk thinking they will be ok:-( hugs Jan xx

Lin Lane

Date: 8/30/2016 1:04:00 PM

This is written by the flip side of Jan Allison, just as skillfully, but more soberly, than your limericks. You're talent as a poet is showing for everyone to read and appreciate.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 1:30:00 PM

Thanks Lin I love writing limericks and humour but can turn my pen to more serious subjects:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y.

Date: 8/30/2016 12:16:00 PM

Hi Jan, This is so sad. Let's face it people are going to drink. But they must do it responsibly and don't get behind the wheel of a car. If you must get that wasted and you can't drive stay home or get a designated driver(not the one that's the soberest) . This piece comes close to home, I've had several close family members that died as a result of drinking and driving. I wish you the very best of luck in the contest. A without a doubt seven:-) Alexis

John Hamilton
Date: 8/30/2016 1:51:00 PM

Thanks Jan if you want to put a link that would help, thanks so much.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 1:28:00 PM

I'm sorry you can relate to it on a personal level Alexis it is a heartbreaking issue:-( hugs Jan xx

John Hamilton

Date: 8/30/2016 10:18:00 AM

So sad Jan, you do thee sad writes sooo well. Last year in September a grandfather and his three grandchildren, were killed by a drunk driver, just outside of Toronto. I wrote about it, called Four gone, conclusion, maybe you would like it, has similar feel and message, but I like yours better!

John Hamilton
Date: 8/30/2016 1:53:00 PM

sorry wrong place, if you want to link to my poem that would help, thanks a lot.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 10:56:00 AM

John you should re post that poem its fabulous - or could I put a link in under my picture with a link to your poem - it is a brilliant poem that really needs to be read by more soupers:-) hugs Jan xx

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 10:22:00 AM

Oh what a tragic story John - I will drop by and read it now . I love to write with humour but occasionally I can turn my hand to more serious themes when my muse chooses:-) hugs Janxx

Phillip Garcia

Date: 8/30/2016 9:43:00 AM

I was in a happy mood Jan as I was also working on an uplifting suicide dizain for Laura and when stumbled upon this; it's so deep and heavy and unfortunately such a poignant message that folks have been screaming for ages. So stupid and unnecessary. Makes my blood boil. Your poem, however, did not - or it did but for the right reasons. Now I've gotta kill myself even sadder if I'm to be competitive. Might have to break the mom imagery or something

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 10:00:00 AM

Hmmm uplifting suicide write made me smile - maybe go for a more uplifiting topic Phillip. Seriously, this is such a heartbreaking theme- one selfish act ruins so many lives. I now hear of accidents happening with drivers playing pokemon - the world has gone mad! I am sure you will come up with a fabulous poem Phillip:-) hugs jan xx

Elizabeth Larter

Date: 8/30/2016 9:41:00 AM

This might be a fictional write but it really does happen all too often. My twin cousins were both killed instantly by a drunk driver and my Auntie Lena has never been the same since. Drinking and driving will never cease to be no matter where a person lives. It is real hard on a families life and home, Jan. good luck in contest. Elizabeth

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 9:54:00 AM

Thanks so much Elizabeth I am so sorry that for your family this was reality - its so heartbreaking that such a selfish act causes so much devastation :-( hugs jan xx

Mark Paul Van Der Merwe

Date: 8/30/2016 8:13:00 AM

Very touching and frightening - luckily the age for driving in my country is 18 but that certainly does not stop the drinking driving problem. All the best in the contest.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 8:20:00 AM

It's currently 16 on our little Island Mark - whilst there are some who are mature enough to have the responsibility of driving there are others who fail to realise they are in control of a machine that if used incorrectly could kill - a few years ago there was a tragedy it did not involve drink but an unqualified teenage driver - a 14 yr old girl was killed in a car crash - it was discovered there were 8 kids crammed into it when it went off the road :-( hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 8/30/2016 7:52:00 AM

- A tragedy that will never be forgotten, Jan - Good luck in the contest ! - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2016 8:02:00 AM

Thanks Anne Lise - they can take their driving test on our Island at 16... to me it is far too young... and then they can drive ANY car - too many tragedies on our roads, of course not all of them involve drink, but excessive speed and inexperience is often a key factor:-( hugs jan xx