Don'T Look At Me

I’m trying to remember how to breathe. There’s this emptiness, this feeling this this this Don’t look at me, because I can feel your lips on mine when you’re halfway across the room. I don’t fully recognize what it means to be here. It feels the same but I can’t remember what it feels like to lay in this bed, to have your hands choking my stomach and the sound of your breath. Your form in front of me, looming Your heart in my hands, I’m sorry I dropped it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Buy me a sandwich and swallow my smoke. It smells like Brainscan in here and I feel seventeen. I’m not seventeen. I’m older but these hands are that of a child and she doesn’t know why she can’t sleep. She’s trying to find out why she doesn’t feel girly. I’m not a girl, I’m a woman. I’m smarter than you think I am. I’m more than these burns on my hand from the heat of your repression What do you want for lunch? Please say it’s me. I hate your hair like that. Can I touch it? Get away from me, I want you right here. I wanna put my hand on your back and pretend I know where the pain comes from. I’m gonna keep trying. Please tell me to stop. Please, please stop looking at me.