Disappointed Desire

It isn’t that I went looking for your approval I just thought I had it Wrapped like a scarf around my neck I was safe from the biting cold That came through the piercing eyes Of those still seeking what I was comfortable in having Suddenly, a torrent wind blew off my scarf And the gale left welts around my neck To be viewed by all the nay-sayers I was them, and they were me Except, I was naked, standing alone With the guilt of all my failure Can dignity ever be worn by one so exposed There are images that can never be erased Though they take their place in the fires of the mind The shadows linger forever Like the smell of smoke from a wood stove Tainting every scent that tries to emerge It’s excruciating to remain with the knowledge To run away is yellow and weak The flesh melts while the spirit stands erect Disappointed desire is comparable to a staff infection It can be life threatening, extremely messy Eating away at the flesh that’s in its path I deeply desire to write a nice ending To this painful experience, but I ‘m in it And all I can see is the here and now My resilient fortitude pushes me onward To look outside of my perceptions And tear down the boxes I’ve put around myself and others So, one, two, three, four,…three, four Written by Trudy Schrader on 1-18-07 after a horrible evaluation from a trusted friend.