Depression

Drowning in a sea of dark hoodies and unbrushed hair, My mind turns dark, a cloud forms and haunts me, Two sides of my brain desperate to escape my embodiment of sadness, The bird in the cage known as my mind just wants to be set free, I awaken in a pile of duvets with no cover, I haven't found the strength to put them on this week, It's as if they're mocking me and my vulnerabilty, Nevertheless no one cares, No one cares where i am, how i am, who i am, My name is as much to them as water is to a tsunami, Oh and do I summon tsunamis from the tear glands of my eyes at night, I haul my fruitless body to the bathroom, A place that was fond of me during my childhood, My bed would cry for me but the bathroom floor would cry louder, And it woudn't stop until i greeted it, I drag myself into the shower only to feel just as unclean after, I sit on the floor of my bathtub, It's the shower's turn to cry now, I am summoned back to my bed, Home to mascara-stained and tear-soaked pillows, I pull at my hair like the pull that constantly brings me back here, My nails scream at me to not come for them next, I stare at the ceiling like kids stare into a sweet shop - I never take my eyes off it, I'm torn between wanting to be fixed or to lay here and rot away, It's not as if my bed would let me go anyway, It knows what the world will do to me, I feel naked leaving the house, Nowhere else is my home, I'm welcome nowhere else, No other place, no other person, So i pass my day where I'm welcome, Have converstaions with my ceiling, I close my heavy eyes, They have seen enough for today, Sleep is the treadmill to death - You're not going anywhere yet it's exhausting, Depression is not a prize, You cannot desire to have it, Depression is not a costume, You can't just put it on to look good, And depression is not a weakness, It is badge that reads "I am still here"