Curse of Fear

My time has finally come. The consequences of my actions have once again caught up to me. Though in truth i was never running. Looking back i can't help but wonder what kept going wrong. Why couldn't I just do it right. To be so cursed yet blessed at the same time. Fatalism inhibited my progress. Fatalism weakens my resolve. It's a battle i still fight whilst still fighting countless others. The unfortunate thing is that i cannot say that i did not see this coming. The present is what I've feared and dreaded for so long. Fear lead me down paths i still regret and i see now that it is this very fear that has brought me hear. Years wasted and for what.... I cannot look back now for there is nothing that can be done. I must keep moving forward but it would be delusion to say that i am not scared. This fear has always plagued me it is a weakness, a curse, an unwanted burden. I've discarded and ran away from so many chances at redemption. Frozen in place, ever stagnant afraid of change. Truly an acolyte of decay. I must keep moving, i do not know the future and i fear it holds nothing but disappointment, pain and despair for me. I don't know if i can but i must try. I wish to at least fulfill my dream or achieve the peace that has always eluded me.