Crypto blockchain bicycle
I rode a bicycle frae ma Highland estate
The heather was purple, the weather was great
Then my cell phone rang, the news verra bad
Ma hoose was on fire, everything I had
My crypto passwords could go up in smoke
My Ponzi scheme clients would not think that a joke
My offshore accounts, my ill-gotten gains
All turning to ash, all down the drain.
**(Chorus)**
Oh pedal, lad, pedal, yer empire’s ablaze
an orphaned blockchain, an untraversable maze.
From hedge funds to hedges, it’s all gaun wrong
You can’t outrun fraud on a bicycle, son.
I knew there would be hell to greet
So I reversed, pedaled like an athlete
Three miles back I ran into sheep
An endless flock like a mudflow did creep.
I jumped the wall of the M-90, my bike and me
Nearly became a historic debris
A lorry driver honked, let out a curse
I gave an appeasing smile, couldn't get worse.
Jumped over the wall to another rural road
Orange haze rising—I was in panic mode
Then a large stag stepped calmly in my way
Looked at me like he had all day.
A copper on a motorbike came from behind
I thought this was truly the end of the line
I told him the missus and bairns were ahead
But really I had to salvage crypto instead.
He shot in the air to make the deer go away
I made it to the manor, the firemen bade me stay
I saw my years of conning disappear into the sky
A few ashes flew past like a sarcastic goodbye
Noo folk frae the shadows are seeking their fee
They’re no keen on excuses—they’re hunting for me
I’m hiding on Mull where the sea eagles cry
It’s bonnie as heaven… I’m likely tae die
Outwitted by sheep… and a stag wi’ a stare
In Scotland, lad, crime dis-nae get ye far there.
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