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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required I rode a bicycle frae ma Highland estate The heather was purple, the weather was great Then my cell phone rang, the news verra bad Ma hoose was on fire, everything I had My crypto passwords could go up in smoke My Ponzi scheme clients would not think that a joke My offshore accounts, my ill-gotten gains All turning to ash, all down the drain. **(Chorus)** Oh pedal, lad, pedal, yer empire’s ablaze an orphaned blockchain, an untraversable maze. From hedge funds to hedges, it’s all gaun wrong You can’t outrun fraud on a bicycle, son. I knew there would be hell to greet So I reversed, pedaled like an athlete Three miles back I ran into sheep An endless flock like a mudflow did creep. I jumped the wall of the M-90, my bike and me Nearly became a historic debris A lorry driver honked, let out a curse I gave an appeasing smile, couldn't get worse. Jumped over the wall to another rural road Orange haze rising—I was in panic mode Then a large stag stepped calmly in my way Looked at me like he had all day. A copper on a motorbike came from behind I thought this was truly the end of the line I told him the missus and bairns were ahead But really I had to salvage crypto instead. He shot in the air to make the deer go away I made it to the manor, the firemen bade me stay I saw my years of conning disappear into the sky A few ashes flew past like a sarcastic goodbye Noo folk frae the shadows are seeking their fee They’re no keen on excuses—they’re hunting for me I’m hiding on Mull where the sea eagles cry It’s bonnie as heaven… I’m likely tae die Outwitted by sheep… and a stag wi’ a stare In Scotland, lad, crime dis-nae get ye far there.
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