Confused

I’m confused. Not with life or people. Not fully anyways. With love. Love is very confusing. I see someone cute, and my heart flutters, butterflies forming in my stomach. I’ve always had crushes, small feelings of like, when I think someone’s cute and kind. But love is different for me. I can’t stop thinking about them, I always end up staring at them, I can’t forget their voice, I always want their attention. I become obsessed. I want them to look at me, want them to talk to me, want them to *see* me. I want them to like me. I want them to love me. People tell me I fall in love with everyone I see, but they’re wrong. I’ve *liked* people, quite a lot. I’ve *loved* only a handful. I want their attention, need it, crave it. It’s confusing. I don’t know why I can’t help it. Can’t control it. I’m such a lovesick puppy it’s sickening. I joke about it, always putting my feelings into foolish words. But I need the attention, need the gaze. Need the love. It’s like I live off of it. It’s sick. It’s unhealthy. But I can’t help it. It’s so confusing.