Clean Slate, Please

picking up the pen again it's been awhile with no conditionin', when you've been gone so long where do you begin? I fell again, i had to sin in my mind to win, but I lose sitting alone in my room like I’m on auto-cruise, every look in the mirror givin my ego a bruise, because i know where i am is due to what i choose, fade myself away into the day, the way the day fades into night, and when the dark surrounds I'm not around to feel the fright, i'm in my mind lost in a world that isn’t mine, looking for a way out, hoping for a sign, a self-induced coma from which i wish i could resign, all these things have become malicious but my intentions were benign, and although i wanted to begin this i feel I've crossed a line, and there seems to be no coming back, the feeling of a constant heart attack, all my vision slowly fades to black as i feel my knees begin to slack, i don't feel myself fall only hear my head smack, on the floor with a crack, did it awaken me or has it just shaken me? either way I think it's makin me feel like this world is fakin me, and i just wanna clear the slate ya see?