Childish Fears

As a child I was never afraid of the dark.
My big brother was and he would wait
for me to lead the way  each night to the attic
bedroom we shared. (If irked by him
that day, I would linger downstairs, 
making him wait for his night's repose.)

And in bed I would lie awake for a time, 
watching with a child's wonder the shadows
flickering across the ceiling, made by the cars driving by
in the street 3 stories below. The way they moved so swift,
I thought those dark reflections of light might be alive, 
grey soldiers of the night passing over me....

I had no fear of death either, for I knew if it came, 
I would go back to a very beautiful place, feeling
heaven I had come from, so to heaven I would return 
(but then, I was still innocent). No, I feared only one thing, 
but it was a huge, mighty thing: I feared eternity.

I saw, in my child's mind, a road that went on forever, 
never ending, without an horizon to mark the journey's end.
--And I quaked at its infinity.

Now I no longer fear the endless, for my soul told me once, 
quickly and quietly: I am here, without begin, without end, 
forever--then I understood-- my soul reflected my mortal mind, 
my brain that can't recall its own birth and really cannot fathom
its own death, for it exists only and always in the moment,
the indefinable, eternal now....
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Mishra Avatar
June 4, 2020 at 4:09 AM
This is a soulful write that enchants the heart at once. Congratulations on your win L. J. :)
Carber Avatar
June 5, 2020 at 9:58 AM
Thank you, Aditi-- a full soul is all!
Kauffman Avatar
June 2, 2020 at 10:34 PM
I love the metaphor of the never ending road, LJ. It is a great image! Congratulations on your win! Loved this my friend!
Carber Avatar
June 3, 2020 at 11:12 AM
Thanks Sam--I have an English friend who doesn't want to believe in the soul because she still has that fear of an endless line, at 73!
Mcintosh Avatar
June 2, 2020 at 9:02 PM
Congratulations to you for your winning entry and thank you so much for entering my contest. Bless you dear friend with love, Gina
Carber Avatar
June 3, 2020 at 11:15 AM
And thank you for the honor
Marcum Wong Avatar
June 2, 2020 at 8:59 PM
Your poem is so poetically beautiful L.J. Congratulations on your wonderful win! Blessings xxoo
Carber Avatar
June 3, 2020 at 11:16 AM
Ah, Connie, you're makin' me blush! Gracias, muchas gracias, y vaya con Dios siempre!
A   Avatar
April 14, 2016 at 10:15 PM
Len,, congratulations on the honorable mention of your poem. Linda
A  Avatar
June 21, 2015 at 1:42 AM
Enjoying this again. congrats
A   Avatar
June 21, 2015 at 1:14 AM
Len, congratulations on your Prayer time Memory win. LINDA
A  Avatar
May 24, 2015 at 12:04 AM
this is very cool len, love the way you end the poem. Enjoyed:) Thank you for sharing your poem. Goodnight **SKAT**
Dietrich Avatar
May 23, 2015 at 10:23 PM
this is REALLY good!! I have had the same feelings myself on eternity. Even wishing for the end just to be the end (death) but then you change your mind about that as you get old!! Love this.
Carber Avatar
May 25, 2015 at 10:36 AM
Thank you, andrea-- I too had that 'comfort' as a young stoic-agnostic that death meant oblivion, and an end to any pain; but almost dying at 24 and discovering we are immortal beings residing in temporary vessels cured me of that atheistic illusion. Far less simple than that is the 'enormity of existence' we are each part of.
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