Chaos In the Conservatory

[Conservatory: A glorified greenhouse stuck on the side of your house. This really happened yesterday, and today… Okay, the cactus is poetic license] * Well, he pooped over here and he pooped over there That dumb pigeon pooped almost EV-ERY-WHERE I couldn’t believe what came out of his ass Each time that pigeon crashed into the glass He couldn’t get out and got really irate And head butting glass made that bird defacate There’s poop on the windows, the chairs and the floor Cos that stupid pigeon kept missing the door The worst of it wasn’t the mess on the mat But the chaotic outcome when pigeon woke cat House plants and lamp stands were flying around With light bulbs and compost strewn over the ground I was left cut and bleeding from scratches and stabs And I’m smothered in band aids and numerous scabs But it was neither pigeon nor cat that attacked us It’s simply what happens when catching a cactus It grew dark and I switched the outside light on And then when I looked, that mad pigeon was gone I felt rather smug and a little bit clever Til my cat started coughing… and spat out a feather And that should have been the end of my story Of the pigeon that ransacked my conservatory But it’s hot today, I’ve got doors open wide And two psycho pigeons have just flown inside! Well, sod them… if they want to cave their heads in By dive bombing windows, I’ll watch them and grin But a conservatory, I think I should say Is a really bad place for a cat litter tray! * [Apologies to UK Soupers; apparently, we can say ‘ass’ but not ‘A.r.s.e.’]