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[Conservatory: A glorified greenhouse stuck
         on the side of your house.

This really happened yesterday, and today…
   Okay, the cactus is poetic license]
                         *

Well, he pooped over here and he pooped over there
That dumb pigeon pooped almost EV-ERY-WHERE
I couldn’t believe what came out of his ass
Each time that pigeon crashed into the glass

He couldn’t get out and got really irate
And head butting glass made that bird defacate
There’s poop on the windows, the chairs and the floor
Cos that stupid pigeon kept missing the door

The worst of it wasn’t the mess on the mat
But the chaotic outcome when pigeon woke cat
House plants and lamp stands were flying around
With light bulbs and compost strewn over the ground

I was left cut and bleeding from scratches and stabs
And I’m smothered in band aids and numerous scabs
But it was neither pigeon nor cat that attacked us
It’s simply what happens when catching a cactus

It grew dark and I switched the outside light on
And then when I looked, that mad pigeon was gone
I felt rather smug and a little bit clever
Til my cat started coughing… and spat out a feather

And that should have been the end of my story
Of the pigeon that ransacked my conservatory
But it’s hot today, I’ve got doors open wide
And two psycho pigeons have just flown inside!

Well, sod them… if they want to cave their heads in
By dive bombing windows, I’ll watch them and grin
But a conservatory, I think I should say
Is a really bad place for a cat litter tray!

                          *

[Apologies to UK Soupers; apparently, we can say ‘ass’ but not ‘A.r.s.e.’]

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