Notes About The Poem
More than seven years ago, having agreed to help my parents I put my career as a stage director on hold. For just over five years now that commitment has become a 24/7 duty I am intent on continuing. Three years ago I lost my father. My mother is bed ridden and tube fed. Even with assistance and paid nurses my mother's needs are so great they occupy my days. I love my mother with all my heart. Recently her dementia has progressed. What I am doing is very difficult and puts one through a series of emotions. I love my friends here and I hope you can indulge me this vent. I find it therapeutic just to write and share it. I am not complaining I have been blessed with a wonderful life. With lots of love, Armand.
Caring For My Mother - a Letter To a Loving Friend
I sit here alone...wondering...how much longer this...and in hearing
the question a silent icy fear blankets my body...the answer would
come wearing both masks...tragedy...comedy...this is my life. with
freedom comes death...it hangs over me like a Mexican piñata filled
with chocolate covered blades...so each day firmly slipped into
neutral I exist...barely a choice to live...so I ask myself...how
did I get here...the answer comes thundering from up above...
a dead poet speaks...son that is the path you chose at your fork
in the road... you don't argue the truth...you just throw cold water on
your face...no...you step into a frigid shower...cleanse your thoughts
...stand in defeat happy to feel something even if it is just the pain of
your nerve endings screaming...soaking wet and naked is the only life
you presently afford yourself...there is no one to hear your tears...
what little sound they make rolling down your cheeks...they are not
self pitying but rather wanting...of a loss so deep...what in your own
self appreciation defined you...you want back your art...it...that so
often led you back to the promised land...still you are not that hot
headed fool you once were...you will not stand on the mountain only
to shatter the tablets with their ten commandments...a cooler head
prevails...so you think...like a soap opera...these are the days of my
life...I am strong and vibrant...yes I am and I will walk as slowly as I
must towards my light and yes I will come out the other side a better
man for this.
08~01~2015
Armand
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