Bloodwork

Somedays I want to choke myself to death
To strangle my neck until my face turns blue

To wrap the ends of a nylon string to my hands
Like corsages on a ballerina’s wrist

To keep dancing 
Until my face turns blue

Somedays I want to carve a pattern on the insides of my wrists
Weaving intricate patterns bleeding red with some sharp elegant cuts on the bluish veins

To watch myself bleed to death
To paint the walls of a room with splattering designs

To burn my body alive
What a waste my brain wants to say

Worth the experience my heart believes
The pain the horror the infliction

To be able to write about a burning body 
After having experienced it thoroughly

To watch the blood drip down
Drop by drop, trickling
Darker splashes on the top
Faded ones by the bottom

I wonder if I spin
Would the patterns turn more beautiful

Would it resemble a mandala 
If I kept turning and turning and turning
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

Poem

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